God's Chaotic Love: Peri Sonnier
God’s love is a chaotic and untamed force. Lately, I have been trying to allow his chaotic love to disrupt my life. A few days ago, I felt God beckoning me to cry and pray. At first, I found myself resisting the tears. I did not want to be thrown into a place of wild and untamed emotions. I did not want what I was doing to be interrupted. I found myself saying, “I will pray and cry later.” Yet, God’s call to mourn continued to devour my heart. I fell down to my knees calling out to God as tears flooded my eyes. The moment felt natural and right. It was a very intimate conversation with God; it felt like we were the only two around for miles. It was a moment in which I was being fully true and honest with myself. In this chaotic and fully consuming cry to God, I felt him healing me. And though I sobbed, I was more content then I had been prior. There is something deeply fulfilling about being authentic to your emotions and outwardly desperate to God. God works wonders through our tears.
Through God’s help and prevision, I have been undergoing vast changes. Recently, I have started to mourn things. In the past few months, I have shed many tears. This is a very good thing. God has been pruning me. I see myself healing. It can hurt to be in a state of mourning, but in general, I feel much happier now than I did before I started to mourn. Through my tears, I see the ways in which my life is coming together. When God directed me towards the Wesley, he answered so many of my prayers at once. God knew I needed kind and authentic friends. He knew I needed people to help me heal. He knew I needed people to comfort me in my tears. He knew I needed people to love and be loved by. He has surrounded me with people who care to protect me and bear my burdens. When I take a step back and acknowledge the current state of my life, I am overwhelmed by just how good things are for me now.
God is changing me and blessing me through my tears. Sometimes in prayer, I find myself crying tears of joy when I see where God has put me in the present moment. I am not sure what my future holds. This chaotic unknown fills me with excitement. The greatest blessings in my life did not happen by my own will or effort; they just fell into my lap in the most beautiful way. I did not have to try to earn them. Now, I see that I must not try and tame God’s chaotic love for me. I must relinquish my full control to him, because he is doing beautiful things in my life. And if God calls me to do something, I sure know that I better do it.
Peri is a freshman at Louisiana Tech majoring in math. With her joyful nature, servant’s heart, and commitment to her faith, she has been a bright light ever since she first walked through our doors this school year. Peri enjoys running, studio art, kayaking, exploring nature, spending time with friends, and putting on puppet shows together with her mom. It is a true blessing to be around her, and we’re so grateful that she has made The Wesley her home!