“And now, compelled by the Spirit, I am going to Jerusalem, not knowing what will happen to me there. I only know that in every city the Holy Spirit warns me that prison and hardships are facing me. However, I consider my life worth nothing to me; my only aim is to finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me—the task of testifying to the good news of God’s grace.

“Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of any of you. For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. I know that after I leave, savage wolves will come in among you and will not spare the flock. Even from your own number men will arise and distort the truth in order to draw away disciples after them. So be on your guard! Remember that for three years I never stopped warning each of you night and day with tears.

“Now I commit you to God and to the word of his grace, which can build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified. I have not coveted anyone’s silver or gold or clothing. You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’” (Acts 20:22-35)

‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’

I’m inclined to wonder about the receiver. Because although it’s clear that it's both a blessing to give and receive, as clearly stated here, it is more blessed to give.

In my humanness, I can’t help but compare. I can’t help but think one is better than the other. I mean, is that not what’s being said here? And as someone who has needed a lot of help, especially recently, as someone who has been on the receiving end of many gifts and givings, I wonder, how can I be faithful in this role?

I think it’s easy to be faithful as a giver insofar as the act of giving simply requires pure intent even if it does not come naturally. Perhaps, you are more blessed if you give reluctantly. I don’t really know all the rules.

But it can be difficult to be a receiver. I’m speaking from experience here. It’s been difficult for me to be a receiver. Receiving, no matter the time, no matter the reason or occasion, it always accompanied by a little bit of shame.

I become painfully aware of my inability to provide for myself. To accumulate the things that I want. Sometimes even the things that I need. I’ve never thought of myself as a prideful person, but the older I get the more I’m convinced that I need to learn to rely on people less. Rely on the Lord less. A bit misguided, yes.

But when we celebrated my daughter’s birthday a few weeks ago, something changed. She’s a great receiver of gifts. She just likes receiving things. The act of being on the receiving end is something she seems to cherish. She genuinely likes most of her gifts, but I think she really just enjoys being a receiver of things.

And I realized this is the spirit I must embody. I do not have to thank so profusely that I can be seen as grateful (when most times, I really just feel shame). I don’t have to talk about how indebted I am to all of the people who have been generous to me for the rest of my life. I don’t have to be shy or coy. I just have to be faithful in my role of receiver. And I think all that means is receiving gifts and givings joyfully.

I don’t fully know how I feel about the idea of blocking blessings. But I think I’ve been in my own way. I think perhaps I haven’t fully prepared my heart to receive all the Lord has to give to me. I think there is some pruning of pride that has to take place. I think there are some beliefs about independence and poverty that I have to unlearn and uproot so that I can realize that so many of the good things that I want so badly have already been gifted to me.

But a more important point is this:

Paul says, “ You yourselves know that these hands of mine have supplied my own needs and the needs of my companions. In everything I did, I showed you that by this kind of hard work, we must help the weak, remembering the words the Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” And I thought, “Wow! Even Paul can take care of himself. Look at him bragging about it!”

But it made me look at my own hard work and I realize that I am not special. I, like all of you, have helped the weak and been the weak. We have supplied our own needs and the needs of our companions. We have also had our needs supplied for us by others. We all give and receive, and all that means is that we are indeed blessed and more blessed.

To Give and Receive: Khalilah Kersey

POWERED BY SQUARESPACE