Thoughts on the First Half of Psalm 25: Adam Guillory

Psalm 25: 1-10 – To thee, O LORD, I lift up my soul. O my God, in thee I trust, let me not be put to shame; let not my enemies exult over me. Yea, let none that wait for thee be put to shame; let them be ashamed who are wantonly treacherous. Make me to know thy ways, O LORD, teach me thy paths. Lead me in thy truth, and teach me, for thou art the God of my salvation; for thee I wait all the day long. Be mindful of thy mercy, O LORD, and of thy steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth, or my transgressions; according to thy steadfast love remember me, for thy goodness’ sake, O LORD! Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in the way. He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way. All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness, for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

“O my God, in thee I trust.” – One of the biggest lies I tell myself whenever I pray. I do not trust God. Whenever I worry about my budget, whenever I worry about a test that’s coming up, or whenever I worry about what my life has in store for me, I am not trusting God. I fail to trust God every day of my life, and it causes me so much unworthy stress and pain that it almost seems like trusting God is something I should do. And yet I don’t. I fall into the same trap, the same pain, and the same paranoia that I always do, because I don’t believe that a God great enough to build the universe from nothing could love me or take care of me. I fear that I have to take matters into my own hands because no one else will. Then I fail. When I feel most confident, and most able, I crumble. And yet, the rare instant that I actually put my faith in God, it is paid for in full, and I am built up into a real human.

“Make me to know thy ways, O LORD, teach me thy paths.” – How I want to know my ways. How I want to know which path to go down. How I want to know where the next step in my own journey lies. And yet… I don’t. I know nothing, and I confess nothing. I feel as though I am driving on a one lane mountain road with no highway signs and a 200 foot drop just a couple inches from my passenger side door. I feel like sometimes my wheels slip and I have to correct in order to avoid driving off to certain death. But at the top, which I do not see yet, is the peak. The peak of a mountain where I’ll be able to simply be. Where I can sit back and watch as the sun rises over a valley and where I can commune with God. And so I must continue to go up the path that I have been given, because if I can’t safely go back down, then the only direction is up. Up towards the splendor I am waiting to see.

“Remember not the sins of my youth…” – And also remember not my sins of today! As much as I am a child of God, I am a slave to sin. When I am not vigilant, or am tired, I sin. I sin so often that I don’t even notice when it happens! And if I do notice when it happens, then I know it's bad, but I still do it! I do what I do not want to do. And I indulge in it, I feed it and water it, and let it grow into massive problems that consume me. But as I sin, I can only hope that God will release me from my slavery and bind me to Himself. And he has! He actually has! He bought me with His own blood! And though I am a rebellious child, He will let me enter into His kingdom because He loves me, and not because of anything that I do, and for that I am glad.

“He leads the humble in what is right, and teaches the humble his way.” – Humility is a virtue which I do not believe I possess or am good at expressing. Every time I get mad at someone, I always focus so heavily on how they have hurt me specifically, that I never consider them. Every time I think of someone, I think of them in relation to me, and every time someone slights me, I emphasize the words ‘me’, or ‘my’. In short, I think I’m all that, and I’m not. Even in this blog post, the word ‘I’ has appeared 67 times so far. If I devoted that much thought to God or to other people in a loving way, then every other heavenly virtue would break me down and remold me into a true child of God. And so I pray that God invades me and humbles me. That I may not merely think I possess virtue, but possess it so deeply that it is all I am. And that I may no longer be the ego that hides in my consciousness, but an image of God to the rest of the world.

Amen.

Adam Guillory is a junior Engineering major at Louisiana Tech and has blessed our community with his presence and joy since he showed up on our doorstep the fall of his freshman year. His wisdom, excitement, and tenacious desire to serve are a gift to The Wesley. Adam is passionate about swordsmanship, D&D, puns, and his friends. He is serving another year on our Discipleship Team this school year, and it has been a delight to see him grow in his faith.