Some Thoughts on the Beginning of the Year: Adam Guillory
Hello, friends and family who read this! Unlike most Harvest posts where I sit down, start writing, and then about 30 minutes later have a draft complete with some kind of sin, issue or otherwise that I’m struggling with at that moment, God has not revealed such things to me yet, so this particular post will be a series of disconnected thoughts that will reflect on the current state of this school year, which started one week ago at the time of me writing this.
Thought number 1 – This school year has had a very encouraging start. Last year, it was very difficult to get any freshmen through our doors, much less to stay in the community in any meaningful way. There were exceptions when we would meet really cool people, and I was excited to get to know them, but I had an irrational fear that The Wesley would fizzle out after everyone who is here now graduated or otherwise moved on. But this year God scared that fear off, because there were already 3-4 freshmen who came to my first Community Group, and at our Eucharist service this past Sunday, there were so many people who showed up that we almost ran out of Communion bread. With these good tidings and more surely on the way, I am extremely hopeful for this year and what it will bring.
Thought number 2 – This school year has been a lot more time consuming than any other for me. Granted, I am a junior Engineering major, so this isn’t exactly surprising, but what is surprising is just how long everything is taking and how hard it’s been to juggle all my responsibilities, from mountains of homework to editing the podcast and baking the Communion bread. I feel like I’m constantly on the run, from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to bed. Surprisingly though, it doesn’t feel like I’ve spent my time in vain, or that I’m working myself to the bone. And more surprisingly, the more time I give to other people, the more time I feel I have to do things I need to do. The same goes the other way around; the more time I do things that I “want” to do, the less time I feel like I have to do good things that I need to do.
Thought number 3 – This summer, especially at my job, I felt like I wasn’t really accomplishing anything. This came to a head when I found out I was actually just doing busy work, which wasn’t even helping the company I worked for. So I, naturally, got insecure about being useless. Because of that insecurity, I prayed a lot that God would make me needed, in some capacity, by someone. Then, because of events outside of my control, I was pulled into a position kicking and screaming where I was needed by some friends. I immediately realized that what I had prayed for was actually really difficult and time consuming, and I prayed again something along the lines of, “Alright, I get it, please let me go now,” and I was released from that situation. Something I keep having to remind myself of from this and similar wishes is to be careful what you wish for, because it seems like the more I pray to be improved in some way or another, I actually am, and the process of improving sucks. This being the case, although the process can sometimes be painful in the present, it brings me closer to the ultimate goal of becoming like Christ in all ways. It’s through these growing pains that I can actually blossom, and for that, I am thankful.
Thought number 4 – Sitting still and being quiet is really hard. This has been a thought that has come into my mind every time I do lectio. It just feels like I overthink everything, and instead of “descending into contemplative silence”, I’m thinking of the last episode of WWE Friday Night Smackdown that I watched, or how to go about building the swing frame that I’m slowly making progress on, or any number of annoying distractions that get in the way. Then I remember that I’m there, and I’m trying, and even my best possible effort without distractions wouldn’t get me an inch closer to God all by itself, but that God comes to me, and speaks to me through the pages of scripture and the words of others. Sometimes, I even remember that if we could reach God how he wanted us to, then there wouldn’t have been a reason for Jesus to come down here and teach us how to do it, and become the great bridge between us and God. It’s good that God loves us.
Thought number 5 – The last paragraph that touched on lectio reminded me of the verses I’ve been doing it on for the last few weeks. Psalm 22, or at least the first 8 verses of it are really enticing, and I don’t really know why. They are the following:
1 My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me? Why art thou so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning? 2 O my God, I cry by day, but thou dost not answer; and by night, but find no rest. 3 Yet thou art holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel, 4 In thee our fathers trusted; they trusted, and thou didst deliver them. 5 To thee they cried, and were saved; in thee they trusted, and were not disappointed. 6 But I am a worm, and no man; scorned by men, and despised by the people. 7 All who see me mock at me, they make mouths at me, they wag their heads; 8 “He committed his cause to the LORD; let him deliver him, let him rescue him, for he delights in him!”
Sure there have been times when I’ve felt more like a worm than a man, and sure there have been times I’ve been able to recognize when I’ve trusted in God and he delivered. But I don’t know why I’m so fixated on it. Despite the anger, grief, and pain the author clearly faces, he trusts God with his entire being, and I find that really comforting. I hope within the year I can finish the psalm, but if not, then it’s a great place to camp out in.
Firstly, to summarize, this year is off to an amazing start, and I am extremely hopeful for it and grateful to the people who have already come and are joining our community. Secondly, time is not something for me to hoard, but is something for me to give as generously as I can, and the less of it I think I have, the more I actually possess. Thirdly, growing is hard, and that’s one of the many things that makes it worthwhile. Fourthly, God loves us. And finally, Psalm 22 is really good, and I guess there’s a reason that Jesus prays it on the cross. All in all, thank you for reading through my ramblings. God bless!
Adam Guillory is a junior Engineering major at Louisiana Tech and has blessed our community with his presence and joy since he showed up on our doorstep the fall of his freshman year. His wisdom, excitement, and tenacious desire to serve are a gift to The Wesley. Adam is passionate about swordsmanship, D&D, puns, and his friends. He is serving another year on our Discipleship Team this school year, and it has been a delight to see him grow in his faith.