The Great Mother & The Good Gift: Khalilah Kersey

I’ve frequently thought that in many ways God is our Great Mother. He has birthed all of us. Some of us, even twice. 

When I first discovered I was pregnant, I was overjoyed, but soon after I became sick with worry that I wouldn’t carry my baby to term. I had been praying and finally became honest with myself about the fact that I believed God would ultimately take away this good thing. 

I cried as I told Him that He couldn’t take her from me. That this baby was mine and He couldn’t have her. I like to think that I was really begging Him, but that’s not how it felt at the time; perhaps I had already known that she belonged to Him. 

In any case, I really scared myself. As if any good thing could be mine without the understanding that it belonged to Him first. However, more importantly, how could I think that the same God who suffered and died for me out of love would also be the source of my suffering? 

The next time I prayed, full of conviction and embarrassment, I meditated on Jeremiah 1:5: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.” 

He told me that she was a gift, both in general and to me. I know this to be true by how much joy she has already brought so many others. I began to truly understand what these verses from Psalm 139 meant: 

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” 

“My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.” 

“Your eyes saw my unformed body;  all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

All these things and more came to me reminding me of God’s character and what it means for us to be born. To be created and made. He is indeed intentional and has formed us on purpose. 

He most certainly has known my child long before I even knew she was a she. Long before I knew she’d sit low in my belly or be most active when I try to sleep. And He’ll know her deeply once she is out of the womb and in the world. He’ll know her when she is simply a discovery to me, and that is a great comfort because I know now that she is mine but only for a time. She’ll belong to the Lord always, and He indeed has many beautiful things in store for her. He already has much grace and mercy. Much love and forgiveness. These are things she’ll need, and both the Lord and I are prepared to give them. 

I know God loves me because of how deeply He loves my daughter, and my hope is that He knows I love Him because of how deeply I love His Son who has blessed me long before this pregnancy and who I know will remain with me long after.

Khalilah Kersey is a trusted friend in the Wesley community known for her compassion, wisdom, and deep faithfulness. After serving for two years as a Wesley intern, Khalilah now works at Fine Line Supply Co. in Ruston where she continues to share the light of Christ with everyone she meets. Some of Khalilah’s interests include: eating, sleeping, spending time with others, reading, watching movies, and creating things.