Thorns and Grace: Emily Blair

“Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.’ So, I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities for the sake of Christ; for whenever I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

This scripture has always been one of my favorites for many reasons. As a baby Christian, I felt as though I could identify with Paul. I had faced many trials, tribulations, insults, and hardships in my life. Paul gave me permission to speak about them. Instead of feeling ashamed about not growing up in the church and having faced more than one should at such a young age, I felt as though I was welcome because of these hardships. Like Jesus Himself was inviting me in to share in part of His life. Through this invitation, I was assured that God didn’t cause these things to happen.

I must confess that I believed the hardships I faced as a young girl and teen would be the last of the trials that I would face. It wasn’t until I stepped into pastoral ministry that I realized I believed this. In a conversation with Ryan, the director of The Wesley at Louisiana Tech, about the hardships of ministry, he asked me, “What did you expect to happen when you left Wesley?” My response was, “I don’t know, but I didn’t expect this. I thought I would be rewarded for my faithfulness in following God across the country and serving as a student pastor.” It was then that I realized I was expecting to be treated better than Jesus was in ministry. Something about that did not sit well with my soul. My vocation was celebrated at Wesley. Back then, I was affirmed and praised for choosing a life of ministry, but I was not prepared for the dark underbelly of being a minister. Looking back, I can see ways I had become arrogant. Because of my haughtiness, during my first year and a half of pastoral ministry, I was humbled greatly.

I am brought back to Paul’s message in 2 Corinthians 12. I lost sight of who I am called to boast in and whose life I was invited to share. As Christians, we are called to share in the suffering of Christ. Jesus was there with me in the hardships and insults I faced in ministry. It takes courage to speak of the hardest seasons of our lives, but this is what Paul is telling us to do. Not because we by ourselves have pulled ourselves through but because the only reason we are here is because if God hadn’t pulled us through, then we wouldn’t be here. In the three years since I left The Wesley Foundation, I have faced the darkest season of my life. And I know that if it weren’t for God (and my husband and my counselor), I would not be here. 

Thorns were placed in my side while I was at Wesley. A thorn of compassion for the cast aside and marginalized and a thorn of God’s justice. These have plagued me in the last three years. They have driven me to preach and teach things that people were not ready for or open to hearing. I would be lying if I said I didn’t ask God to take these thorns away. Through tears and clenched fists, I pleaded and begged God. And then, God reminded me of His words to Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.” I do not regret the things that I preached far too soon. But I have learned firsthand like Paul what God meant when He said, “My grace is sufficient for you.” 

After my first church appointment, God’s grace has made me softer, quicker to listen and slower to speak. I have learned how to be curious and ask questions. I know that the dark underbelly of ministry is still present everywhere I will go to serve, but it doesn’t scare me anymore. I am not scared, for I know—from hardships and persecutions—that God’s grace and presence are there, too. 

I am reminded time and time again why this scripture holds a dear place in my heart. It does not glorify weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities; instead, it speaks to the reality that we all want them to be taken away. And yet, God uses them to make His power known. He is willing to bind up the wounds and hurt places in our lives with His grace.

Emily Blair is a former Wesley intern who has gone on to pursue her Master of Divinity degree at Duke Divinity School and is seeking ordination as an elder in the United Methodist Church. She and her husband, Trevor, live in North Carolina, where she currently pastors two churches. Emily’s love of the Lord, passion for justice, and excited dance around puppies are just a few of the ways she has blessed our Wesley community!