Is Habitual Sin Complicated?: Chase Lenard

As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God—not by works, so that no one can boast. (Ephesians 2: 1-9)

Looking back on my life, I can easily recognize the peace that comes with daily prayer and time with scripture. This past week my roommate, Akin, has helped me wake up on time to go to morning prayer with my community. I found those mornings to be joyful and life giving. Before the quarantine, I had been part of the young adult Sunday school at Grace UMC in Ruston, where I came to a surprising realization: I felt at peace with those around me. One might ask, “Isn’t gathering with other believers always joyful, or at the very least pleasant?” In the past, Sundays have often been stressful for me. Before coming to Grace, I was hyper-aware of how I was presenting myself at church. I was holding myself to some illusory standard that I had to meet for everyone. I was a mess who was trying to make sure no one found out about the garbage I had hidden. I noticed a similar change in attitude toward my mission meetings we had this past year. I was excited again and no longer anxious for each weekly meeting as I had been while preparing for trips in the past.

          So, what changed? I finally began to take steps to expose and uproot the habitual sin in my life in radical ways that I had not taken before. One of the most powerful tools Satan can use against us is fear, causing us to isolate ourselves and hide our sin in shame. When I began to confess my sin to others, I was met with grace where I feared judgement. With the help of others, I endeavored to remove temptation and not exclude myself from the community of believers as was my habit. In taking steps to actively seek out repentance, I found a peace I had not felt around other believers in quite some time. I am a sinner redeemed by God’s grace. I am not perfect, but I continue to strive toward Christ’s example. Before, I halfheartedly approached repentance, only half listening to what my friends and mentors had told me. I would have saved myself so much time, stress, and grief if I had listened to the wisdom they had for me in the first place. Sin, at its core, is a turning away from God’s grace. Believing that God’s grace is sufficient, and that in it is where actual happiness can be found, is a freeing thought.

          This chapter of Ephesians comforts me because we are told exactly what kind of base creatures we are while living in sin. In truth, we were all there and are still attached to our creaturehood. Time and time again, I am met with grace that I do not deserve or have power to control. It is not a finite resource that I can exhaust because it comes from God the Father and not myself. Reading this passage, I feel known and secure. Falling into sin does not mean you have failed in the eyes of God, but it is rather an occasion to overcome earthly attachments and know His love and mercy. Let us not forsake one another in confession and prayer and choose to isolate ourselves in sin. May you find mercy as we continue to run this race together.