Rest: McCall Heckel

I am a recent graduate of Louisiana Tech and began my job as a ministry intern at the Wesley Foundation just last week. I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways I have grown throughout my time spent at the Wesley thus far. One of the most significant things I have learned over the past four years and still am learning is what it means to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. 

I’ve learned that being a disciple means I must give up my wants and what I think I need to let Jesus show me what I actually need. Discipleship is following Jesus without setting any conditions of my own. This means learning how I should and should not spend my life. For me, that looked like finally learning in my last quarter of college that I shouldn’t allow getting an A on a test or the need to have a certain GPA steal my sleep and overwhelm me with anxiety. It means learning that following Jesus and doing what He asks of me, big or small, should be done first, with everything else I think I have to do coming second. There are many days that I fail to follow Jesus first, but that is when I know this community cares for my soul. My brothers and sisters care enough to call me out, remind me who I am, and remind me who Jesus is and why He asks me to follow him. 

Earlier this year, I found myself yet again allowing something besides Jesus to consume me. I was taking 13 hours of classes, which is 1 hour above the max amount taken in the quarter system. The definition of overwhelm, “to bury or drown beneath a huge mass,” is what I was letting school do to me. The weight of everything I had to get done sat so heavily on my chest that my breaths never seemed to let in enough air and my heart rate always seemed entirely too high. My “too smart” watch reminded me to “breathe” almost every hour of the day. I was exhausted and never finished everything that needed to get done in a day. I felt a similar feeling to that of first learning to swim—doggy paddling frantically to lift my head above water every time I needed a breath, and barely making it to the nearest object or person to keep me afloat so that I could rest and take a deep breath before trying to swim again. In that busy and draining quarter, I felt as though I was doggy paddling through life, barely making it, and struggling to keep my head above water to breathe. However, I was missing the final and, perhaps, most vital part of that swimming lesson’s feeling: rest.  

I’m pretty decent at seeming to be doing better than I actually am a lot of the time, but I was struggling enough for my “I’m doing good” to be seen as the cover-up that it was. Because I am not one to readily admit when I’m not doing too well, someone sat me down and asked again how I was doing. I think I started by saying I was “good,” but despite my reluctance, I ended up explaining how I wasn’t doing too hot. It was then that this person asked me, “When was the last time you rested?” Because I couldn’t give a good answer to that question, I was strongly encouraged to take at least 24 hours, if not double or triple that, to do absolutely nothing when I wasn’t in class or at my internship. I was told that I shouldn’t think about anything I needed to do during that time either, which I thought was impossible. I was also encouraged to begin reading Matthew 6, specifically the part where Jesus teaches about worry.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6: 25-34)

In the midst of this “time of the virus,” I have become very aware that I am still in the habit of giving myself over to anxiety and feelings of being overwhelmed. I’ve even stopped wearing my watch because I got tired of it telling me to breathe all the time... Today, I am reminded again of Jesus’ words, realizing how much time is wasted by worrying about tomorrow. The world has been forced into a sort of stillness that many have never experienced and probably never will again. I have begun to see that I should start taking this quarantine as an opportunity to learn how to rest again. By rest, I don’t just mean sleeping more or watching Netflix. I mean rest in Jesus. Real rest, as in doing absolutely nothing except sitting with Him and spending time together that is long overdue. 

He’s reminded me that I don’t always have to sow or reap to be provided for, because He is the Provider. He’s reminded me why quality time is one of the ways in which I feel most loved. He’s reminded me that I can be still, and that there is great beauty and value in that stillness. Worrying will not add a single hour to your life, so I propose that you join me in learning how to rest instead. It’s not easy for me, and I’m not very good at it yet, but I plan to practice until I am, and you should, too. When was the last time you rested in Jesus, friend?

McCall Heckel is a valued member of the Wesley community. She graduated in Kinesiology this month and is now serving as a ministry intern at the Wesley. McCall has big heart, caring for people and meeting their needs as they come. She is excited to be leading a mission trip to Honduras this summer!