Alumni Post: Nicole Warren
Life is hard. Life is beautiful. Life is complex. Life is simple. One day can be full of joy, love, laughter, color, and in just a second, the next moment can be heartbreaking, frustrating, dull, and utterly confusing. Over the last two years since I left the Wesley Foundation, I have been riding this roller coaster.
Life is also full of change. Our environments change, our thoughts change, our political beliefs change, our morals change, our friends and family change, and, most of all, we as individuals change as we travel through the different seasons of life. In the last two years, I have experienced an immense amount of change. Other than my beloved husband and cat, everything else in my life was going through transition: my environment, community, friends, work, rhythm of life, what grocery store I went to. Honestly, I did not take it very well for a time. The last two years have been the hardest. My mentors at the Wesley told me that it was going to be difficult, but I did not truly believe them. In many ways, I was confused about who I was. The things that I used to use to mark my identity were now gone, and in turn, I became confused about who God was. I thought I had it all together and would never have to go through such an inward battle, but I was wrong. There were some days I did not want to get out of bed or do the daily tasks of life. Anxiety and distrust of others overwhelmed my heart and soul, and God felt distant. There seemed to be a gray film over everything I saw, like a Snapchat or Instagram filter. I was confused and in need of direction.
Now, I am sharing all of this on this blog because I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am not the only Christian that has walked through a dark time, and all I find myself desiring these days is honesty with myself and my relationships. I am also sharing this because I believe that I am mostly out of this dark time, and I now have some perspective as I look back on the last two years. The one word that I would describe the last two years is stripped. God has stripped me and is continuing to strip me raw. The things I once went to for my identity and self-esteem are now gone. All that has been left is my broken self with all of my insecurities and flaws before a perfect and understanding God.
I was a part of the Wesley Foundation for all of my college career and was an intern. The Wesley taught me so much, but in hindsight, I am beginning to see one of the most valued things I received from being a part of the Wesley Foundation: The Wesley community formed me to be a fighter. It was a community that taught me perseverance, commitment, love, and endurance. Jesus formed me at the Wesley to be a woman of perseverance for such a time as this. He formed me to keep pushing even when I feel so weak. He taught me how to cry out to him in need, and he has never failed to reveal to me that he heard every cry.
God has led and is continuing to lead me out of this dark time of my life. He heard my heart’s cry and provided me a space to truly connect with him again. He led me to work at an art and science museum in downtown Baton Rouge, and it has truly revitalized my soul. Only God would know that a museum would bring so much healing to me. Garrett and I also lead a youth ministry together, and oh, how those students bring me life. God has used them to bring laughter, love, and a need for a double portion of patience. I love them and would give anything to watch every single one of them flourish. Many of them struggle and have tough home lives. They remind me that I need to keep pressing into Christ so I have something to pour out into their souls.
Overall, I am forever grateful for my time at the Wesley Foundation. It was not just a fun time, but a time that allowed me to grow and flourish for the darker, weaker moments of my life. God is and will forever be present in that place. I pray that students encounter Jesus this year and will forever be changed like me.
“You know before I do where my heart can seek to find your truth.”
Nicole Warren is a beautiful woman of God and a beloved alumnus of our community. She worked as an intern at the Wesley Foundation during the 2016-2017 school year. Presently she lives in Baton Rouge with her husband Garret and their cat Jasmine. Nicole works at an art museum in downtown Baton Rouge as well as in youth ministry with Garret.