Trusting God: Khalilah Al-Amin Kersey

Over the five years I have been a Christian I’ve asked God for many things. I have been especially dedicated to asking God to reveal to me the things in me that are not of Him. And He did. In focusing on learning about God’s character, He showed me how to forget myself. In forgetting myself God has shown me who I am. And sometimes I don’t like what I discover. God has shown me my pride and my defensive nature. But finding these things out while simultaneously coming to know Jesus as someone who wants to be gracious to me has changed everything. He loves me. What a simple thing. What a great big grand thing. Almost impossible to comprehend. It’s Jesus’ committedness to me, to all of us, that continues to amaze me. He promises to never abandon us, never forget us, even in our destitution, our sin, and our death. Jesus has committed, not just to being with us, but to an eternity of witnessing the imperfections of His people. To an eternity of working with our flaws. He has bound Himself to us in love, and a love like that is transformative. 

My transformation has been subtle and timely. One of my biggest struggles is impatience. Oftentimes, I find myself desperately desiring to be fixed all at once, but God is teaching me patience and instilling in me a desire to simply take good care of His people. I desire to be that servant that is bold enough, trusting enough, and willing enough to say “Here am I. Send me.”  In the past, I have felt unqualified because of my weakness, but it is in my weakness that I have been gifted with humility and brought closer to the heart of Jesus. One of the most pivotal moments in my faith occurred just last year when I had been feeling discouraged because of the lack of support I had raised for my internship. I was having a conversation with a friend when I said “I’m scared to ask God for this, to hope for this, because what if the money doesn’t come in? I’m scared to be disappointed.” And she told me “Jesus doesn’t disappoint.” And at that moment it became painfully clear to me that I didn’t trust God. That in fact, I didn’t believe that He would answer my prayer. I have carried these words with me ever since: 

And this hope will not leave us disappointed, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. - Romans 5:5 

Those verses nurtured my confidence in God and allowed me to worry less about who I am. My focus shifted. God answered that prayer and many more. And not just mine, but also those of my brothers and sisters. These answered prayers are evidence of God’s presence in my life, at the Wesley Foundation, and in the world. God hears us and wants to come to our aid. Hebrews 5:16 says “So let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and favor and find help in time of need.” I intend to do just that for the rest of my life. God has been faithful always and it is His faithfulness that has allowed me to have faith. Faith that He will continue to reveal Himself to me and humble me so that my affection and my trust in Him increase all the more. 

Khalilah Al-Amin Kersey is a second-year intern at the Wesley Foundation as well as Louisiana Tech alum. She graduated with a B.F.A in Graphic Design and minor in English. She loves people, music, drawing, and writing.